NEVER COULD SAY GOODBYE
by Donna McIntosh
Summary: Ennis inherits a ranch and asks Jack to help him run it.


Title: NEVER COULD SAY GOOD-BYE

Author: Brokeback Mountain

Pairing: Jack and Ennis

Rating: NC-17

Warning: None

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx; not me.

Summary: Ennis inherits a ranch and asks Jack for help running it.

NEVER COULD SAY GOOD-BYE

Life had become pretty much routine for Ennis. He worked out at

Cole's ranch, came home had a few drinks, showered and fell into bed

with whiskey and cigarettes on his breath and visions of blue eyes

when he closed his eyes each night. The people he worked for were

good folks. In their seventies, he'd guess, sweet old couple. The

man never asked him to do anything he wouldn't do right along side

him and the woman, frail and small as she was, never missed putting a

meal out for them for lunch and supper.

In the summer there was always plenty of Mrs. Cole's

sweet tea or lemonade; that woman cold bake and cook food like

nothing he had ever tasted before. They never shorted him on wages

and always understood when he had to take some days off coupla times

a year. Never questioned him and always treated him with kindness

and respect. He often thought they looked on his as a replacement,

sorta, for the two sons they had lost in the war in Viet Nam. The boys

pictures were displayed proudly in the home in their shiny bright

uniforms. Army boys, both lost within days of each other but that

was long ago, in a country he had never heard of. It came to him

sometimes when the old man would call him 'son'. He felt a goodness

about these people and did his best for them.

It was late March and one more snowstorm covered the ground with a

thick white blanket. There'd be no work to be done today but he

decided to drive the thirty three miles out to the ranch just to

check up on them. The old man had been fighting a bad cold and he

wanted to make sure he was all right and that enough fire wood had

been brought in so they wouldn't have to be going outside in the

weather to get it.

It was snowing even heavier at the ranch and he stepped out into knee-

deep drifts as he made his way to the door. Mrs. Cole answered the

door and brought him in to where her husband sat bundled up by the

fire.

"How's he doing?" he asked her.

"I just don't know Ennis. He's runnin temperature again and cough's

gettin worse. He needs to see the Doctor but I can't get him to

budge." She wrung her hands. "See if you can talk some sense to

him. He won't listen to me."

Ennis laid his hat on the side table and went to the old man.

"Hey. How you doin?" he knelt down by the chair so he could talk to

him eye level.

"Fine. I'm fine. The old woman call you?" He tried not to cough,

but it took him anyway.

"Nah. Just thought I'd come by and offer you a ride into town, maybe

see the Doc?" Ennis sized him up and agreed with his wife. He was

getting worse. He was shivering, holding the blanket close around

him but there was perspiration on his forehead and his eyes were

glassy.

"Don't wanna. Heater in my truck don't work much good and the fire's

too nice. Don't wanna leave."

"I got my truck outside and the heater works really good. Had to

turn it down some on the way over here, got too warm. C'mon. Let's

take a ride." He nodded to the woman and she hurried and got their

coats.

Ennis helped the old man on with his, listening to him grumble all

the way, but he didn't really protest all that much.

"I'll just go out and start the engine and get that heater goin.

I'll be right back."

The old man was too weak to wade through the drifts so Ennis wrapped

a blanket around him, picked him up and carried him out to the warmed

up truck; then came back and did the same for Mrs. Cole.

"Land sakes! I can walk!" she protested.

"You don't weigh more than a sack of grain and there ain't no use you

gettin all covered with snow. You don't want to get sick too do

you?" He teased her.

The next few hours were a blur of activity. Doc Johnson took one

look at Mr. Cole and had them take him straight to the hospital. It

was double pneumonia and it didn't look good. He stayed with Mrs.

Cole and helped her make the phone calls; first to her sister in

Cheyenne and then to her friends from the church. Soon the word

spread the the halls of the small hospital was buzzing with concerned

friends and relatives. Ennis hung around waiting with the others.

It was just past mid-night when they got the word that he had

passed. The preacher was with Mrs. Cole so Ennis just gave her a

kiss on the cheek and left.

He was gonna miss the old man. He was almost like a father to him.

Always sharing memories of his childhood, talking about hunting and

fishing with him; even sharing a dirty joke or two now and then,

quietly, far out of reach of Mrs. Cole's ears. He was a good man;

better than most he had ever met.

Ennis got drunk that night and with each refill of the glass, he'd

say "Here's to you, Cole" and with the last drink a little prayer,

"May the gates of heaven open and welcome you home." A

little prayer he had heard his Momma say at some funeral they had

gone to many years ago.

The funeral was a somber thing as all funerals are. The snow had all

but melted leaving only patches of white here and there. It was a

gloomy day but the sun did manage to shine through as they were all

driving back out to the ranch to say their final good byes.

Ennis, hat in hand, edged himself around the room of people looking

for Mrs. Cole. He wanted to give her one last hug and assure her he

would be back at work the next morning and would look after the place

for her until things were settled.

Someone took his arm, "Excuse me, Mr. Del Mar. Could you come in

here please?" he recognized one of the relatives from Cheyenne. He

followed him into the parlor where Mrs. Cole sat on the sofa with her

sister's arm around her. A few other relatives and a few people he

recognized from town.

"Ah good, Mr. Del Mar," The man sitting behind Mr. Cole's desk

stood and reached his hand out in greeting. Ennis took it but didn't

like seeing someone else sitting in the old man's place.

"My name is Harvey Woodruff and I'm the attorney for the Coles. We

wanted you here to hear the reading of the will. It's a formality

really as most everyone here already knows what's in it, except you,

Mr. Del Mar. Mr. Cole left his entire estate, which was considerable

with holdings in both Casper and Cheyenne; to his wife; with the

exception of this ranch which he has left to you."

"To...to me? Now why'd he do a thing like that? With all these

relatives here to leave it to?" Ennis couldn't believe it.

"We don't want it." was all agreed on and heard around the room. "He

wanted you to have it, Ennis." Mrs. Cole was speaking.

"We had it all set up 'bout five years ago. We knew if either one of

us went, the other wasn't gonna stay 'round and you loved this place

as much as we did. You got nearly 8 years now of your blood and sweat

in it and it should be yours."

"But...couldn't you sell it or somethin? Give the money to the

nieces and nephews? It belongs to them."

"Ain't much market now a days for a place out this far. And they

already got plenty for college and a good start in life. The place

is yours Ennis, if you'll have it. I know it'd make him happy

knowin it was still bein looked after properly."

He stood there running his hat round and round in his hands. "You

sure about this?"

She stood up and came to him then; took him in her thin arms. "Sure

as I can be, son." she whispered against his chest.

"Well..." he choked up a little. "I'll sure do my best to look after

the place then. And if you ever change your mind...Just let me

know." He promised her.

"I have a few papers for you to sign. Here...and here." The attorney

handed the pen to Ennis and he signed on the dotted lines. Didn't read

a thing, couldn't if he wanted to, tears half blinding his eyes. He

said his good-byes then and went home.

His mind was blank, the entire drive. Nothing there. He was empty.

He couldn't think. Wouldn't let himself think. He just drove home;

parked the truck and went inside. He took down the whiskey bottle

and poured himself a drink. He sat there, drink in hand, never

touching his lips. He stared out the window. A place of his own!

He had a place of his own. He hadn't had a real home since he was a

kid and that wasn't his. It was his Pa's and he was made to know that

in no uncertain terms. But now he had a home. Not just a home but

a ranch. 356 acres, 84 head of cattle, a nice little three bedroom

house. His. The very thought of it froze him. Excited him,

terrified him. His; to make a go of or not. His to do with what he

wanted.

He stood from the table, picked up his hat and jacket and left.

Drove directly to the Greyhound Bus Station and went in.

"Where to, Sir?" the girl behind the counter asked him.

"Childress, Texas. How long before the next bus leaves?"

She checked her computer and came back with, "About 45 minutes, Sir.

It's a 22 hour trip, with three layovers, but it should get you there

by about 5:20 tomorrow afternoon."

The wait went fast and before long he was in his seat on the big bus

heading south. It was a long, slow, tedious drive. He slept when he

could, ate when they stopped and said a silent prayer all the way

that Jack would still be his when he got there. It was something he

always worried about. He knew he wasn't giving Jack enough of

himself and that he was asking too much in return. He had always

known that and it was an amazement to him that Jack kept

coming back. So this time he was going to him. It was something he

owed him. Jack had made that trip so many times and never complained

about it. Not once. This was the least he could do for him. He

only hoped that Jack still wanted that dream. That cow and calf

operation that he used to talk about.

At one rest-stop, sitting at the counter eating a sandwich, Ennis stared

at the pay phone and thought of calling Jack; then thought better of

it. No. Better this way. Just show up. See his face. His mind

raced with these thoughts tumbling over one another. He was asleep

when they pulled up in Childress. The driver nudged his

shoulder. "Time to wake up, Mister. We're here."

"Huh?..." He roused, rubbing his eyes.

"Your ticket says Childress and this is Childress." He tucked the

ticket back in Ennis pocket.

"Yeah. Thanks." He stood and noticed the empty bus. He was the

last to get off. He went directly to the nearest pay phone and

looked up Newsome Farm Equipment in the ragged book. The address

said Fourth street and the bus station was on First so he decided to

walk. It was a beautiful day for March. Not as near cold as it was up in

Wyoming. He waked the few blocks and soon saw the big sign "Newsome

Farm Equipment". He crossed the street and entered the building.

The clock at the receptionist's desk said 5:32.

"Jack Twist?" he asked her.

"He's out right now but I expect him back any minute. Would you like

to wait in his office for him?" She smiled sweetly.

"Yes, please." he answered and followed her down the hall to a small

office at the end.

"He won't be long, I'm sure," she left him to himself.

He wandered around the room, looking at pictures on the wall, awards

of appreciation with Jack's name on them. "Salesman of the Year"

several of them proclaimed. On the corner of the desk sat a framed photo

of Jack, Lureen and a smiling baby boy of about 3. He picked it up

and took a good look at it. So this was Lureen? She sure is a

pretty thing, he thought. Boy was good looking, like his dad. And

Jack? Well, his mouth was smiling but his eyes weren't. He could

tell. He sat the photo down and stood looking out the window at the

empty parking lot when he first heard his voice.

"Thank you, Charlene. Go ahead and go, I'll lock up." Jack's voice

grew louder as his steps neared the open door.

Ennis turned around just as Jack walked in. They stood and stared at

each other for an instant then Jack flung his hat on the desk and

grabbed him. "Shit, Ennis! What're you doing here? How'd you get

here? You don't travel! You didn't fly, did you? What're you doing

here? How long can you stay? Is something wrong? Everything OK?"

Ennis pulled back from the embrace laughing. "Now which one of them

questions you want answered? It'll take all night if I have to

answer them all."

"Oh hell. I don't care. C'mere" he kissed him again and

again. "God, it's so good to see you," another kiss, "I miss you so

much," another kiss, "You can stay, can't you; at least a few days?"

another kiss.

"Now hold on. Don't go gettin me all riled. I come to ask you

somethin. Just let go of me a minute and let me get on with it,

OK?" He pulled free and took a few steps back.

Jack stood waiting, tongue at the corner of his mouth. "Say your

piece." he said nervously.

"I got a place. I come to offer you a job if you're interested." He

took another step back, turned half ways toward the window but

couldn't turn away completely. He had to see the expression on

Jack's face; he'd know the truth if he could just see his face.

"You got a place?" Jack asked.

"Uh huh, the Cole place, where I been workin. The old man died and

left it to me; 356 acres, some cows, a house. Too big for me to run

myself, thought you might like the job." His eyes glued to Jack's.

He had to see his reaction.

Jack stared at him. The thought that this must be a dream kept

hammering at him. He said nothing.

"I know it's been a while since you said anythin about a place of our

own; and I know I always shut you down when you did but it's a

reality now. I got the place."

Jack just stared at him.

"Of course, I'll understand if you...have other arrangements to

consider. Wyoming ain't nothin like Texas and workin with me won't

bring you none of these awards." he nodded towards the wall. "But if

you're still interested...I mean, if you still want to..."

Jack stood, hands on hips, shaking his head. "You son of a bitch!

You son of a bitch! I been begging you all these years and you have

to ASK?" He crossed the distance between them in one step and grabbed

him. They kissed and hugged and pounded each other on the shoulders

and backs. "When? How? Can we go now? Tell me you didn't drive up

here in that old truck of yours? When do you get the place?"

"We gonna do the question thing again or do you wanna go?" Ennis

dangled the keys to the ranch in his face.

"Go. Now. Wait. Not yet." He grabbed Ennis hand and pulled him

around behind the desk. He sat in the chair and motioned for Ennis

to sit on the desk in front of him. "First I got a little fantasy I

need to take care of. I used to sit here for hours on end thinking

on what I'd like to do if you was sitting there like that." He

reached up and unbuckled Ennis's belt, undid the zipper.

"I think I'm gonna like this." Ennis smiled down at him.

"Oh you will, I promise!"

He reached his hand in and pulled the half-hard cock free. Took it

in his mouth and began sucking. "Oh, God! You don't know how much I

miss this!" he said and went back to the sucking.

"Well, have at it then, Bud. oohhh You better go easy there or

it'll be all over with." He petted the dark brown wavy hair.

"Don't you dare come yet!" Jack pulled off and stood, undoing his

pants. He pulled a small packet of K-Y out of his wallet and handed

it to Ennis. "I want it here; right now. Here in this office where

I spent so many hours thinkin 'bout it."

"Think I can handle that." He said taking the packet and lubing

himself up.

Jack ran and locked the office door and closed the blinds then returned

to the desk, dropped his jeans to his knees and bent over the desk.

"You are ready, aren't you!" Ennis grinned.

He moved up behind him then and pressed his well-lubed cock up

against Jack's opening. It slid in easily like it knew it was where it belonged.

They both groaned. Ennis with the sheer relief that Jack was still

his and lost to his warmth; and Jack pushing back against him, afraid

this was all a dream and he didn't want to wake too early this time.

Ennis held on to his hips and made slow even thrusts. Jack held on

the desk and moaned his pleasure with each stroke.

A grinding circular motion with Ennis's hips caught that magic spot

and Jack screamed. "Ooohhh YES! There! Hard!"

Ennis slipped his left arm around Jack's waist holding him tight

against him; the right hand gripped Jack's cock. He felt his guts

tightening up and said, "Ready, Bud?"

"Don't stop...Just don't stop...pllllleeeeaaasseee." Jack gasped and

came. Ennis felt the anus muscles squeeze tighter with Jack's release and

that was all it took. He emptied himself into the heat.

They cleaned up quickly and made preparations to leave. "You got any

good-byes need sayin before we leave?" Ennis asked.

Jack thought about it a minute then said, "Yeah; one." He sat back

down at his desk and dialed.

"I can wait outside?" Ennis offfered.

"No. I want you here." Jack reached for his hand. Ennis took it and

sat on the corner of Jack's desk.

"Hi, Yeah, it's me." pause "Things are happenin here and I'm

Leavin; thought you should hear it from me." pause "Yeah, it's

like that." pause "Naw. I won't be coming back." pause "I

appreciate that, Randall. My best to you too. Good-bye."

He stood to leave.

"This Randall, he someone I need to beat the shit out of?" He looked

Jack in the eye.

"No. Randall's a good guy. We only been together 3 or 4 times. I

let him know from the git-go that it was just gonna be sex and nothin

else. He understood and he never done me wrong."

It was the truth. Ennis could see it in his eyes.

"Ok then. Let's get on the road. You still got that fancy truck of

yours? Cause I took the bus here. No way I'd make that trip in my

truck."

They walked out the door.

"Sure do. OK with you if we stop by the house and I pick up a few

things?" They climbed into the truck.

"OK with me. How about Lureen?" he asked.

"Well now, that's the nice part of all this, your timing. Lureen is

visitin some friends in Lubbock this week and Bobby is on Padre

Island for spring break. We'll have the place to ourselves." He

grinned and reached over and grabbed his hand, still unable to

believe this was happening. He held on to him until they pulled up in

the drive at the house.

"Whew! This is some place?" Ennis climbed out, admiring the old

stone structure.

"Yeah, it's nice. Belonged to Lureen's Grandma. She left it to her

a few years ago when she passed. The only one of Lureen's relatives

that actually liked me." He finished with a chuckle as he opened the

door and led the way in. Up the stairs to the bedroom and he was

pulling a bag out of the closet and stuffing clothes in it.

"Well, she had good taste in men then." Ennis offered, looking

around at the fancy furnishings. Must be Lureen's taste. He

couldn't see Jack being comfortable with all the flowered ruffles and

stuff.

"She sure enough did!" Jack grinned back heading for the en suite

bathroom and gathering things up. "She liked me enough to leave me a

nice pile of cash as well."

"You're kiddin."

"Nope. She left me a hundred grand! Right in the will. Said I

should go out and have a good time with it. Burned old L.D.'s ass

somethin awful. She didn't leave him a dime; hated his guts. Said

something in the will about it bein in memory of a blue-eyed rodeoer

she knew once upon a time. Guess she must have been somethin in her

day."

"Guess so if she liked rodeoers." Ennis grinned at him.

"Here." Jack tossed his bag at him. "Just one more minute." He

pulled a briefcase down off the top shelf and opened it.

It was full of cash.

"Jesus H. Christ! Where'd you get all that?" Ennis asked. He'd never

seen that much cash before in his whole life.

"I told you, I been savin. I get bonuses each year and I make good

commissions. Lureen has this trust fund her grandma left her and

it's been payin all the bills. I don't never even see them." He

pulled his wallet out and dumped the credit cards on the

dresser. "Won't be needin these no more." He closed the case and

headed for the door. "I always thought that one day you would get

tired of me askin and you'd agree just to shut me up. Thought it'd

be best to have the cash on hand so we cold just take off."

They made their way out to the truck, threw the bag in back,

briefcase behind the seat and they took off.

They drove for a couple of hours then stopped for the night at a

Ramada Inn. Had dinner at a nearby Denny's and called it a night.

They made love, long and slow, savoring each touch, each kiss to its

fullest. They slept wrapped around each other, if anyone were to

look it would be difficult to tell where one left off and the other

began.

The morning light brought a difficult decision. Should he

call Lureen or just write her a letter? He decided on the call. It

was a short conversation. Lureen wasn't all that shocked. She had

suspected for some time that his fishing buddy was more than just a

buddy. Never said nothing though. She was not the type to rock the

boat. She said she always knew that she was not the great love of

his life and that one day their marriage would end. She said she

hoped they could still be friends and as far as her family or their

friends were concerned, the details were none of their business. She

would simply tell them that the marriage had ended and that he was

going to Wyoming to spend what remaining time they had left with his

parents. As far as Bobby was concerned, he was nearly grown now and

Jack could tell him what details he wanted him to know when he felt

the time was right.

He was greatly relieved when that was over with. They went for

breakfast and were on their way north.

"I can't believe you made this trip all those times and never once

complained about it." Ennis said.

"I'd have driven twice as far for half the time just to be with you."

Jack said and Ennis knew it was true. The knowing of it choked him

up and he was unable to speak for a while.

"Anyone else back there in Childress, need takin care of before we

get too far down the road? I notice you're drivin awful fast."

"Nah. Randall was the only one I been with more than once. I really

didn't do it all that much, Friend." He smiled over at him.

"Mostly it was a bottle of Old Rose and my good right hand."

"Mostly? How about when it wasn't 'mostly'?"

"Well, you know I been to Mexico. I told you that. It was just once

and I didn't go back. There were other one-night-stands from time to

time but not all that often. Mostly when I'd take a trip, Tulsa,

Oklahoma City, Dallas. Nothin but slam-bam-thank you-ma'am type

things." He looked over at him. "You sore?"

"Nah, not really. Mostly guys, or gals too?" Ennis was too happy

to let things from the past bother him any more.

"Guys or gals. Didn't matter which. One time it was both."

"Both??? Now that's downright sick, Jack. Didn't know you was into

those threesomes." He shook his head.

"That ain't the way it was. It was Tulsa, I think. Can't remember.

I met this beautiful woman and I mean she was beautiful. Long blond

hair, brown eyes and tits out to here, half of 'em hangin out. You

shoulda seen her. My mouth started waterin soon as she walked up to

me. We had us a few drinks, danced a few dances and went outside to

my truck. We started making out and she said she wanted it but could

I do her backwards. I said sure and we got started and when I tried

to reach 'round front to touch her, she pushed my hand away. She started

cryin and stuff and blubbering 'bout some operation and all and I

grabbed at her real quick like and she's got a package!"

"Whhhaaatt?" He wasn't sure he had heard what he heard.

"I tell you, she had a package bigger than me!. She starts whining

about really bein a woman and all but not until she has the

operation. I tell you I 'bout fell over in a faint. I kept lookin

at her real close and she was really beautiful and those tits was the

real thing and so was that dick and balls!"

"Well, what the hell did you do?"

"What do you think I did? I gave her the best blow job she ever had

or ever will have; maybe gave her pause to think twice about gettin

it chopped off; then I fucked her into next week and told her good

bye."

Ennis laughed "You're shittin me; ain't no way that happened!"

"I swear to God it did, Ennis. She was a heck of a lay too. Or he

was."

Ennis laughed and thought about it a while, then said, "You know. In

all our years together, we never did say good-bye. Not once. We'd

say 'See ya 'round' and 'see ya in August' stuff like that, but we

never did say good-bye."

"I never could say it." Jack said, voice cracking with emotion. "I

never not one time felt like we should be sayin it. So I didn't"

"Yeah, I know, Bud, me too." He reached for Jack's hand and held it

in both of his. "Other things we never said neither."

Jack pulled the truck over to the side of the road at a rest

stop. "We shoulda said a lot of things we didn't."

"Uh huh." Ennis agreed and added, "My fault. I'm not much good

talkin. Guess you know that by now."

"I know that, Ennis but I think it's time you admitted that you love

me." . He said it; the 'L' word.

"I do huh?" He grinned out from under his hat brim.

"Yes. You do. And I Iove you too, but then, you always knew that,

didn't you?"

"Nope. Sure didn't. Thought 'bout it some and wondered if maybe

that word didn't fit us..."

"It does. And now that I've said it, I'm gonna keep sayin it. That

OK with you?"

"I can live with that." Ennis shook his head.

"Anything else?" Jack asked.

"Yeah. Can you shave that thing off?" he pointed to Jack's moustache.

"You don't like it?"

"Hell no! It tickles in all the wrong places at all the wrong

Times," he reached over and gave it a yank.

"You want me to do it now or can it wait until we get home?"

"We can wait till we get home." Ennis agreed.

Jack drove back out into traffic and continued on their way.

"Anything else?" he asked.

"I was thinkin. Why you suppose we never said good-bye all those

times?"

"Don't know." Jack answered. "Don't really care either cause there

ain't never gonna be a reason to say it again, is there?"

"For sure, there ain't!" Ennis agreed and they drove on in silence

for a while.

"I love you Jack."

"I know."

The End


End file.
